Ottertail County Windstorm

(This is a poem I composed in Writing of Poetry last semester. In imitation of a poem by Gary Soto, it explores the impact that a windstorm at my family's cabin when I was in 9th grade had on me.)

Once again, tell me, what was it like?
A paddle boat, broken, tipped
Askew twenty feet from shore,
Past tracks in the sand once
Worn by constant pull
Of blue boat runners
Where we slumped in our seats to reach
The pedals, churned
Our freedom into the waves

What about the farmyard?
There was no shade;
Dirt and grass clumped along the taut threads
Of upturned trees’ roots;
These green awnings here had yearly
Swelled with patriotic Tjornhoms’ song—
Gasoline’s scent now a sharp
Tranquilizer as chainsaws seared our ears.

And the tree fort?
Centered in field of milkweed
And sumac that had taught
My city-chafed ears the balm
Of silence,
The platform, stripped
Off, hung in the tree,
My teenage metaphor
For God,
Snagged by twisted
Branches, upraised
Arms torn down.

Words as They Come Out: Conquering My Fear of Lame Blog Posts

Something I've wanted to write about lately is fear. It can be such an all-consuming, paralyzing force in my life, but as I keep struggling with it, I see more and more how God is stronger--He's worked His victory in my life in this area and will continue to if I let Him.

The ironic thing is that I am afraid to write about fear.

My mind: they're not going to understand, it's not going to be good enough, they're going to read this and think I'm not good enough to be an English major, it's not going to have the kind of impact that I want it to, it's not going to make a difference,...you get the picture.

So, to conquer this fear of having lame blog posts, I'm going to write a potentially lame blog post. That's right, I'm going to just write these words as they come out. Just because I can.

Here my mind has several scattered directions I could go with this thing...

I really want to write a song about fear. The title would be "Not A Slave Anymore," based off Romans 8:15, "For you did not receive a Spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but a Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, 'Abba,Father.'"

There have been years of my life where I literally felt like a slave to fear: fear of what other people think, fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of my life not mattering, fear...just, fear.

I have forced these words into the chaos of my soul time and time again. And it's true, I'm not a slave. My Abba has been so good, setting me free time and time again.

But I still let myself be enslaved.

Sometimes I feel like fear grows the more you focus on it too. Like, when you stop looking at it so intensely, it starts to fade.

Someone once told me, "Don't look inward, look upward." Amazing how powerful that can be...especially for an obsessively introspective person like me.

Okay, well, that is all for now. Someday I might come back on here and say something brilliant about fear, but for now I'm content just to step out and try to conquer one of them. I'm actually not even going to edit this post. I'm just going to post it.

Thanks if you took the time to make your way through these scattered thoughts. I'd love to hear yours:

What are some of the fears you have seen or are seeing God's victory over? How did you reach that place of freedom?